Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Fairytale Feat. Alvin's Life~~~

Dear Diary, it's me again!
How are all my VINnylectics doing? Hope you are all fine? It's been a busy life for me, as usual. I really don't know when I can slow down my pace and take a nice deep breathe. Had a good talk with one of my VINnylectic supporter and you know who you are, Mr XiangWeiRouGan! HAHA. Though it's just a short dinner, I really had a nice talk with you, and having to learn more about you. Hope you knew more about me too.
Just like I had mentioned before, I barely could find anyone who would give me their time. I guess everyone's really busy with their own affairs and can't be bothered with mine. So for people out there who had given me your time, I honestly appreciate it! A big thank you to all of y'all.
Life's really something that could bring about ups and downs, and sad to say, mine should be the one that contains more downsides than the upsides. Pardon me if my English is really that bad, because my English standard isn't as high as what people expect it to be.
That is also why some people can't take it that I am a top scorer. They always tend to say things to me and they are like, "WOW! YOUR ENGLISH LIKE THAT ALSO CAN BE TOP SCORER ARH?!"
People tend to look at things on the surface and tend to neglect the behind-the-scenes part of the story. Right now, my GPA is standing at a cumulative sum of 3.93. I am not trying to show off anything but I just want to get it clear to everyone, that I did worked hard for my stuff and I did not cheat my way through! I don't get it why some people can just be so ignorant to this fact. It's not like I am some smarty pants or anything and I believe that everyone can do it. You just have to simply ask yourself whether you want it or not, and whether you want to sacrifice your time for other things just to settle yourself down and study or not.
I really can't hold it any longer and I might just collapse anytime. I am actually not someone who is strong enough to take all these. Although I am usually cheerful, it does not mean that I am a stress-free person. Many people once told me that they want to be me, but I only told them one thing.. "Are you sure you want to be me? You are not me, so you don't know what I had been through, just by looking at me on the surface."
Since young, I barely have friends and those friends that I had were usually the same few. I was actually being boycotted by the whole class in primary school. So I had been trying to get used to living and relying on myself. I don't like to be a burden to anyone or let anyone feel burden because of me. I don't know if there's someone out there who felt this way. But if I ever made you felt so burdened because of me, I am truly sorry.
This is also why I always like to ask people, "Are you fine? Hope I am not that boring for you to listen to...". I just need reassurance and acceptance from people.
I just want my readers to further understand me and hope you guys out there can just bear with me. This is also one of my only platforms that I could say everything out.
I wonder if anyone of y'all ever get curious about me. But if you are, here's something. I am a dancer and likes to dance. Honestly, I wanted to join modern dance when I was in secondary school. However, due to the fear of being a laughing stock out there, I was reluctant to join. In the end, I did not join any dance CCAs back in secondary school. I also wanted to join choir, but because of the same reason, I gave up this thought. However, I became a dance member when I enter poly because I have come to my senses that I should just ignore all those staring eyes out there and just do what I enjoy. And here I am today, proudly standing as a dancer. I major in latin dance right now, but life wasn't exactly easy for me because I got judged a lot. A lot of people were like, "THIS KIND OF STANDARD ALSO CAN DANCE ARH?!"
Again, I tend to get a lot of negative remarks from people regarding me and I am really really really tired about it. I just need a break from all these. Apparently, I had to face all of these alone because people are just targeting me. Life had never been easy for me and I am always a prey for other hunters. I can't just say it to anyone because I might get betrayed and left hanging out there all alone in the end. So what's the point in the first place?
The ones that I wanted to have attention from,usually can't give it to me because to XXX, a crowd is always better than one person. Many a times, I like to have small group times because we can really open up more and really become who we are.
Normally, I tend to get really lame and people tend to find me irritating. But please don't be, because do you know that all I ever wanted to do was just to make you guys happy?
Apparently, no one appreciates and thought of it this way I guess.
So let me ask you guys again. After all these, do you think you guys still want to be me? Not really, I guess.....
Here's a lil secret: I had actually cried through close doors many times and always smiled the next day to act like nothing happened because I don't want anybody to worry. But shhhhh......... don't say it out, cause nobody cares.
It's alright, cause I will be brave.
Bye! :)

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