Monday, November 17, 2014

Fairytale Feat. Dreaming In Reality~

Hello VINnylectics! Hope you all are doing fine. It has really been hectic for me.
Recently, I had been having a lot of weird dreams. I don't know why either. Had cried in a few rounds of dreams recently and I thought I only cried in my dreams. To my surprise, the moment I am awake and I open my eyes, tears can't stop rolling down my cheeks. I really don't know what does all these signifies. But I could really remember what I dreamt about. My dreams were all about people bullying me and not having trust in me. All these do happen to me in real life though. So when I was dreaming, I can't differentiate whether it is a dream or whether it is a real experience. It was definitely horrifying. Perhaps all these are linked to stress? I am honestly not sure.
To be honest, I am someone who can't handle stress well and whenever my stress level gets too overwhelming, I can't breath properly and would have short breaths. I really wish I could have a break from everything. JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
I guess I know why I like going to the beach. Because I am living in a very noisy world, I probably need somewhere peaceful and quiet. That's why I love the peace and the vibrant feeling I received from the beach. All you could hear is the sound of the tides and nothing else. All you could see is a piece of clear blue sky, and an unreachable horizon. You never know where it begins and where it ends. Sometimes all I need is not about the material wealth in which happiness can't be bought. Yes, it's true that wealth can buy luxurious items that can eventually lead to happiness. But honestly, how long can this happiness last? Perhaps not very long, because human are greedy by nature and want more after more. To be honest, all I ever need is not just money but true happiness. It's true that money is important, but happiness is more important. When one is left with a few years of his/her life, happiness actually matters more than the wealth he/she possesses. I want to be a person who leads genuine happiness and not someone who buys happiness because of money. This is not what true happiness should be defined.
So after all, I am still looking for what actually defines my true happiness. People can say I am happy because I am smiling everyday. But for all you may know, I might be faking a smile just for the sake of appearance. Deep inside me, I am still not satisfied enough to say I am genuinely happy because all I could ever feel is loneliness and emptiness, and these feelings are overwhelming my life.
Yes, I find myself busy but I have yet to find my real definition to define where life has to bring me. I am trying very hard to treasure every moment spent with people around me, especially my loved ones because who knows what might happen to us the next very minute. Anything can happen and I am still not prepared yet. I have yet to try out a taste of everything that life is bringing me and I have yet to find my genuine definition of happiness.
In the meantime, I really can't wait for my mini getaway this coming December, for I am really running low of battery and need a quick recharge.
Besides all these, I am really shocked that my grandma hugged me after I was about to take my leave after visiting her at her house. I actually wanted to hug her first but I was shy to do so. After her hug, I suddenly realised that it has been a while since I last saw her. I am really sorry for her because I failed to do my part as a grandson. All that she ever need was for people to shower some care and love and I can't even do so from time to time. I know she is happy to see me but I really felt very sorry to have neglected her. Despite my busy schedule, I should really set aside time for myself and my family members because they are my deeply loved ones. We all should actually do the same too.
Let's not be deeply focused on oneself and neglect the care and love that our loved ones really need. Shall we? YES, WE SHALL! CYA!

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Fairytale Feat. A new meaning to life

So people, I am back with another post. And this time I would introduce my new readers name and that is VINnylectics. This name shall represent all my readers, but how did I derived this name? The first 3 letters is actually my name and that is Alvin. The following few words is taken from the word vinyl, which is actually a material with strong characteristics. Quoted from the internet, it says that Vinyl (polyvinyl chloride or PVC), is the world's most versatile plastic, used to make everything from food wrap to auto body parts. Vinyl is composed of two simple building blocks: chlorine, based on common salt, and ethylene, from crude oil. The last few letters is actually inspired by words such as fantastic and supersonic, which gives a very strong feeling. Hence, the word VINnylectics actually mean that Alvin's readers are versatile and strong. So I hope everyone out there live their lives strongly and in great satisfaction with whatever you do in the future.
So moving on, the reason why I titled my post this way, is due to my last week's performance. I performed flashmob in school for three times and I totally enjoyed it. Dancing is my passion and I would groove along whenever there's music. I wanted to post a clear video from my phone, but sadly, I can't. However, there are YouTube videos available, posted by the in-charge.

When the video zooms in at the 0:22 mark, you can clearly see my back view with em' blue hair. You can clearly see me on the dance floor, when the video zooms in to me on the 1:15 & 2:06 mark. And lastly, my blue hair is clearly shown at 2:30. Grateful that there's a video available.

In this video, I am in full black. Y'all should be able to spot me when you guys view the video straight in the centre. My red cap will be revealed when the video hits 0:14. In case you guys are wondering, I am doing a body wave on the 0:47. That's pretty obvious that I dropped my cap at 2:04, and I didn't want to pick it up due to being professional when the dance is still in process. Me and my friend surely came up with the idea last minute at 2:08, when we were trying to show our body waves ;p And lastly, my very much close-up shot appears at 2:50. HAHA! However, I know I surely need improvements.
So why did I exactly titled my post this way. Besides being exposed to different types of performances in my various commitments, I found a new definition to school life. School is definitely not just about studies when you enter poly life. It's about how you enjoy your life and juggle your studies at the same time. Such performance standards surely doesn't come overnight. Long hours and months of practice are needed. We practised this for one and a half months. From a dancer viewpoint, dance practices are regularly needed to maintain your standard, unless you are busy. So there are some days where I needed to skip classes as the rehearsal timings clashes with my classes. In the past, I would be like die liao! Skip one minute of lesson=entire life gone. HAHA. However, I kind of find a new meaning to school life when I have to juggle both trainings and lessons at the same time. I would love to have such experiences again. HAHA.
Alright! From here onwards, I would like to share a song and I would appreciate if you play this song while you continue to read on my post.

After you played the above mentioned song, I would like to share with you guys another side of myself which I barely share with anyone. But in order for my readers to understand more about the person they are reading about, I would take this chance to share with you guys. Please do bear with me.
Firstly, I would like to say that if I gave you guys the impression that my life is a cheerful and stress-less one, then I am afraid that you had not seen the other side of me. Though I often perceive myself as a cheerful guy to others, I actually have a lot of stress deep within me and I wouldn't know how to deal with it. I wouldn't actually find someone to talk to, because I might just be treated as another laughing stock. And when people treats my seriousness as a joke, I will get really pissed off. I really want to get the person's time and attention when he/she is listening to me. But I think in this world, right now, everybody is moving way too fast and I can't seem to slow people down just to take a listen to what I have to say. Even if I do get people's attention, they can only listen to me for a short while, because after a while, I may just become another piece of nuisance to them. These days, I hardly find someone who is willing to listen to me for a very long time, because ain't nobody got time for that! But honestly, I have a lot of things to rant about and I would definitely feel better after that.
Sometimes I might even find myself bothering you guys, and I am really sorry about that. But when I am in a really bad mood, all that I can ever do is to suck it up all by myself. There are only a few people who I really can find time and talk to, and I am really grateful for being there for me. However, I can't possibly find you guys whenever I encounter an issue. I am trying to learn how to handle everything all on my own, so please do give me time. But when I can't handle things properly, I would feel useless and stupid. Sometimes, I really wish to slow down and take a nice deep breathe but I just can't seemed to do that, because in order to follow the crowd, I have got to move on.
At times, I would really feel very breathless and I think that's when I needed a break. A short one would be good too. This is why sometimes I always rant about wanting to go on a short getaway, because I think all these does help. Even if a getaway is not possible, I really want to leave everything aside, and at least visit the beach. That's the least that I want. As I have reiterate many times, I really enjoy going to the beach because it gives me a very warm feeling. However, people this days find that going to the beach would make them more tan. So I guess I couldn't possibly go there alone.
To be honest, I am really afraid of being alone because I have been there, done that. Past experiences made me dreaded loneliness, and I can say nobody want this feeling. Weirdly, sometimes I would prefer being alone, as only I know myself best. For the last half year, I have slowly learnt to accept loneliness as part and parcel of life. Been to karaoke lounge alone, shopping alone, eating alone and etc...
Given a chance, I wouldn't do this, but I have had no choice. I am actually an introvert if you guys didn't know. I am sure many people would laugh out really loud at this part because my actions speak the other way round. That's because I have already accustomed myself to you guys. But honestly, if you were to throw me in a party, I would just be alone and grab a drink. Unless there's someone I can rely on, then I would start to open up. This is definitely not a healthy lifestyle and I know it. But I am afraid of meeting new friends, who might eventually backstab me after I get close up to them. I wouldn't say all these if I didn't have any experiences like this. This is why I am really careful with friends that I made, and I would get very close up once I am extremely comfortable.
If the song has ended at this moment, please play the next song and continue reading ;p

After all these, I would like to say that the only asset that I possess is my family. They are extremely priceless and precious that no one shall take them away from me. So, many would ask me why I didn't mentioned all these to my family. Just for a simple word known as "burden", would answer my question. I didn't want my family members to feel burden because of me and I would rather suck it up myself. In contrary, I would help them take up their problems as well, as I understand the helpless feeling when no one was there for me, and I didn't want them to feel this way. I wanted to make them feel that if no one is there for them, I will! So at least there's me to share their problems with.
One more thing to take note is that sometimes I would tell my poly friends that I might just faint anytime and be ready to catch me when I fall. I am really not joking as I had encountered cases like this. Luckily I am sitting down and it made me felt better after that, if not you guys might become suspects already.
Alright! Hoped you guys survived after reading a long piece of "essay". Sorry if the music taste is not to your likings. But at least now you guys should roughly know what kind of music I really like. I like K-pop ballads just for your additional information. But I really appreciate your time and effort for reading it, and hope that you guys have understand me more. Till the next time I update this blog. Cya, VINnylectics!