Monday, November 17, 2014

Fairytale Feat. Dreaming In Reality~

Hello VINnylectics! Hope you all are doing fine. It has really been hectic for me.
Recently, I had been having a lot of weird dreams. I don't know why either. Had cried in a few rounds of dreams recently and I thought I only cried in my dreams. To my surprise, the moment I am awake and I open my eyes, tears can't stop rolling down my cheeks. I really don't know what does all these signifies. But I could really remember what I dreamt about. My dreams were all about people bullying me and not having trust in me. All these do happen to me in real life though. So when I was dreaming, I can't differentiate whether it is a dream or whether it is a real experience. It was definitely horrifying. Perhaps all these are linked to stress? I am honestly not sure.
To be honest, I am someone who can't handle stress well and whenever my stress level gets too overwhelming, I can't breath properly and would have short breaths. I really wish I could have a break from everything. JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
I guess I know why I like going to the beach. Because I am living in a very noisy world, I probably need somewhere peaceful and quiet. That's why I love the peace and the vibrant feeling I received from the beach. All you could hear is the sound of the tides and nothing else. All you could see is a piece of clear blue sky, and an unreachable horizon. You never know where it begins and where it ends. Sometimes all I need is not about the material wealth in which happiness can't be bought. Yes, it's true that wealth can buy luxurious items that can eventually lead to happiness. But honestly, how long can this happiness last? Perhaps not very long, because human are greedy by nature and want more after more. To be honest, all I ever need is not just money but true happiness. It's true that money is important, but happiness is more important. When one is left with a few years of his/her life, happiness actually matters more than the wealth he/she possesses. I want to be a person who leads genuine happiness and not someone who buys happiness because of money. This is not what true happiness should be defined.
So after all, I am still looking for what actually defines my true happiness. People can say I am happy because I am smiling everyday. But for all you may know, I might be faking a smile just for the sake of appearance. Deep inside me, I am still not satisfied enough to say I am genuinely happy because all I could ever feel is loneliness and emptiness, and these feelings are overwhelming my life.
Yes, I find myself busy but I have yet to find my real definition to define where life has to bring me. I am trying very hard to treasure every moment spent with people around me, especially my loved ones because who knows what might happen to us the next very minute. Anything can happen and I am still not prepared yet. I have yet to try out a taste of everything that life is bringing me and I have yet to find my genuine definition of happiness.
In the meantime, I really can't wait for my mini getaway this coming December, for I am really running low of battery and need a quick recharge.
Besides all these, I am really shocked that my grandma hugged me after I was about to take my leave after visiting her at her house. I actually wanted to hug her first but I was shy to do so. After her hug, I suddenly realised that it has been a while since I last saw her. I am really sorry for her because I failed to do my part as a grandson. All that she ever need was for people to shower some care and love and I can't even do so from time to time. I know she is happy to see me but I really felt very sorry to have neglected her. Despite my busy schedule, I should really set aside time for myself and my family members because they are my deeply loved ones. We all should actually do the same too.
Let's not be deeply focused on oneself and neglect the care and love that our loved ones really need. Shall we? YES, WE SHALL! CYA!

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