Dear VINnylectics, it's been a long time ever since my blog was last updated. Being busy has been my usual schedule and I always believe it's good to be busy because it means you are living and that life is not stagnated. Been extremely busy having catch-up sessions with a few bunch of friends and also my dance crew productions.
However, health wasn't on my side as I am someone who is prone to be sick easily. Sickness has been a come and go thing ever since I was young. Just like yesterday and today, I am having fever just the day before my enlistment. Still anticipating a change in my immune system and I believe Elusyf would help me in it, just that I need to give it some time to manage and control my immune system. I always believe that my life had started changing ever since I met this particular person and I never had an ounce of regretness in me that I started picking up this product. Even though I don't see much immediate results now, I believe it would after some time.
Suddenly, I have a feeling that I am going into jail as I am enlisting tomorrow. A lot of my schedules would be affected because there are alot of restraints that I would bound to be experiencing. I am already missing my parents now, even though I am still at home. Homesickness is definitely something that would hit me real hard because I am a family-oriented person. There are alot of sacrifices I had made for my family and my family, too, had made alot more sacrifices for me. With that, I am deeply appreciative of their unconditional love that they had given me. These are what made me homesick and I would definitely miss home during this confinement period.
Come to think of it, a lot of my surroundings are luxurious items given to me. Some of them includes a comfortable bed and air-conditioner to sleep in at night, heater to bathe, umbrella and shades to shelter you regardless of rain or shine. Luxury doesn't need to be something branded or something to flaunt to other people. It is simply something given to you that you should be appreciative of.
It's quite emotional for me everytime I am leaving my family because they are people I have lived with for the past 21 years, even though I had thoughts of leaving house before. I felt really sorry for any wrong doings that I may have committed in the past and I would be someone who is even better than the past.
Signing off now, VINnylectics. Shall update my blog the next time I have time.
Hi to all my VINnylectics out there. Hope you guys are doing great. I had just closed another chapter of my story as we marched towards the 3rd month of 2016. Time really past by very quickly and here I am, waiting for graduation and then enlistment. Recalling the first day of orientation day, I still can remember vividly about the time where I poured dirty water on myself in order for the class to win. Since then, I have been remembered for that. Now that 3 years had past by so fast, I really can't believe that I am actually graduating soon. As I looked back, I must really thank my peers and lecturers who had helped me in one way or another, for without them, I wouldn't achieve my good grades that I had achieved today.
And now, I would want to share a story with you about a young boy who grew stronger in rough environments.
So there once lived a little boy who goes to school in fear day by day. He used to love school and looked forward to it, until there comes a day when he got bullied for no reason. He was only primary 1 that year and he,too, is clueless about why he became a prey of bullies. Even though he did not do anything wrong, people will still push him; step on his newly bought white shoes; pinched and beat him which left him with bruise marks to go home with; asked him for his homework to copy but yet people still claim that he copied theirs instead. There were once when he was nearly pushed down a 2 story flight of stairs. Had it not been a bag that saved him, he could have knocked his head against the metal railings and bled to death. He was too timid to report to the teacher back then, for the fear of another case of bullying could have occurred again. Things didn't stop there. When he was in the toilet, people locked him inside the cubicle and locked the door of the toilet entrance. They even switched off the lights and nobody helped him when he cried for help. This had made him traumatized and had since developed the fear of dark. A few years later, he moved up to Primary 6 and during recess times, he couldn't even sit with his classmates and eat together because apparently some of them claimed that such a long table would be filled up by other classmates and he is not supposed to sit with the class. Of course, he couldn't sit with other class too because he didn't have friends there and sitting at other classes' tables aren't allowed. He had to sometimes consume his food in the toilet, which is very ridiculous, due to crowded canteen and class table. He recalled there was once when he was having lunch alone, a group of his classmates came over and disturbed him. One of them even poured hot soup on his crouch area and then laughed at him. He also remembered that during Physical Education lessons, he wouldn't be allowed to participate as the class would claimed that the groups are fully formed and he can't join in. Even if he could join in when people are absent, some of the classmates would also purposely tripped him over or used some balls to purposely kicked him. He was apparently living his primary school life in misery.
He thought it was finally an escape route for him during secondary school era. It was not until when things were repeated again. People snatched his spectacles; kicked his chair when he was paying attention to the lesson; hide his pencil case and then later hide his bag(which was like what the hell??!!). He didn't have confidence to stand in front of his classmates to make presentations because he was afraid at being laughed at, which made him stuttered often and people would end up laughing at him.
It was not until when he had enough of crying and tired of all these bullying, that made him felt like standing up for himself and protect himself against all these nonsense.
And here he is, standing proudly today and looking back and thinking that if it wasn't for all these people who bullied him, he wouldn't be strong enough to stand until today. With that, I think I should thank all these people instead. And yes, that little boy is me!
School life was indeed very rough for me ever since I was young and I wouldn't have one day that I could study in peace. But I would now like to proudly say that I DID IT!!!
I am also grateful for my friends who helped me and speak up for me when I was helpless. I am truly grateful for all of your help.
Sometimes, when I am really tired and sad about things I will still miss my late grandfather, who had passed away 4 years ago. Even though it's been awhile since his passing, I would still miss him and would tear up a little after recalling what he had told me. I recalled him telling me not to be afraid when I encounter tough times, cause' things will be alright soon. He even told me that I made him proud with all my achievements. However, one of my regrets is that I didn't pursue my life as a dancer when he was still around. He would be glad to see me conquer all those glamorous stages and he would be sure to support me whenever he could. Even though he isn't physically around, but whenever I am having any competitions or performances, I would tell myself to put in my utmost effort, so that he could watch it where ever he is.
Hope to be back with more excitements! Until then, annyeong!
Hi VINnylectics, it's been quite a while since I last updated this blog. Sorry for having a dead blog but I will try my best to continue this blog. So, 6 months quickly blinked by and it's now September already. I had also ended my internship and finally regained my life as a student.
I remembered being really excited about internship that I nearly had insomnia. I anticipated a lot of things. I thought to myself and worried if my colleagues would like me or not. I also worried if I could get used to working in an office environment. Actually, I had always wanted to work in offices as I had always wanted my very own workdesk.
However, expectation vs reality is very different. I do not have my own workdesk. I was used as a cheap labour and was being ordered around by different people. I told myself that I should bear with all these if I want to maintain good rapport with my colleagues.
Other than that, since I am working in an international company with 90% of caucasians, I expect the office environment to be very friendly and everyone can put up warm smiles when I greet them. The truth turns out to be very unexpected. People looked away or gave me a silent response when I greet them. Politics everywhere in the company was also present. The boss don't like interns, but expect interns to put up a good show in front of everyone. Caucasians were also very fussy when it comes to decision making.
All these made me realise a lot. Being a working adult, you need to sacrifice a whole lot of your time. Let's take a normal day as an example. A working adult wakes up for work and prepares for work. He reaches office at 9am and works to 6pm. He then went home for dinner. Let's say take a break, bath and watch some tv programs. After that, he goes to sleep. This daily routine repeats for 5 days a week.
So, after all these, I still realise that I want to be a student as our timetable are more flexible. Sometimes we can be a lil bit rebellious to ourselves by taking a short nap during lessons :P. But while working, you can't do that because your work performance might be at stake. After lessons, we still can go out for shopping sessions with friends and even catch up during meals. That's why I feel very confined during the 6 months of internship. I am not someone who likes to wander around and party all night long. But at the minimum, at least let me have some break and not feel like a jail server who counts down to how many days until he can finally be free.
Now that I have finally finish with my internship, I can finally treat myself to longer hours of sleep each day. I also can continue my daily mission with my personal schedules such as my religious activities and also outings with family and friends. I am also preparing for my year end dance concert held at Hwa Chong Institution. That's when I can finally showcase my very own choreographed hip-hop dance.
On top of that, the one that excites me the most is my upcoming debut activities with my kpop crew members. I had always wanted to find a dance crew that can sing and dance and looks like I finally found one that was actually in front of me all along. One year ago, I actually brushed through this group of people in my school. One year later, 2 of the members(who are my friends) approached me to join them in their activities. I am glad I am now able to join them in their activities together.
So everyone, please keep a lookout for CUBIX!! We are now preparing for our future stages and I will debut with them as CUBIX's Jae!
Really hope to be able to bring more excitement for everyone out there. And with that, I shall end my post up till here. I shall be back with more updates soon! Annyeong!
Dear Diary, it's me again!
How are all my VINnylectics doing? Hope you are all fine? It's been a busy life for me, as usual. I really don't know when I can slow down my pace and take a nice deep breathe. Had a good talk with one of my VINnylectic supporter and you know who you are, Mr XiangWeiRouGan! HAHA. Though it's just a short dinner, I really had a nice talk with you, and having to learn more about you. Hope you knew more about me too.
Just like I had mentioned before, I barely could find anyone who would give me their time. I guess everyone's really busy with their own affairs and can't be bothered with mine. So for people out there who had given me your time, I honestly appreciate it! A big thank you to all of y'all.
Life's really something that could bring about ups and downs, and sad to say, mine should be the one that contains more downsides than the upsides. Pardon me if my English is really that bad, because my English standard isn't as high as what people expect it to be.
That is also why some people can't take it that I am a top scorer. They always tend to say things to me and they are like, "WOW! YOUR ENGLISH LIKE THAT ALSO CAN BE TOP SCORER ARH?!"
People tend to look at things on the surface and tend to neglect the behind-the-scenes part of the story. Right now, my GPA is standing at a cumulative sum of 3.93. I am not trying to show off anything but I just want to get it clear to everyone, that I did worked hard for my stuff and I did not cheat my way through! I don't get it why some people can just be so ignorant to this fact. It's not like I am some smarty pants or anything and I believe that everyone can do it. You just have to simply ask yourself whether you want it or not, and whether you want to sacrifice your time for other things just to settle yourself down and study or not.
I really can't hold it any longer and I might just collapse anytime. I am actually not someone who is strong enough to take all these. Although I am usually cheerful, it does not mean that I am a stress-free person. Many people once told me that they want to be me, but I only told them one thing.. "Are you sure you want to be me? You are not me, so you don't know what I had been through, just by looking at me on the surface."
Since young, I barely have friends and those friends that I had were usually the same few. I was actually being boycotted by the whole class in primary school. So I had been trying to get used to living and relying on myself. I don't like to be a burden to anyone or let anyone feel burden because of me. I don't know if there's someone out there who felt this way. But if I ever made you felt so burdened because of me, I am truly sorry.
This is also why I always like to ask people, "Are you fine? Hope I am not that boring for you to listen to...". I just need reassurance and acceptance from people.
I just want my readers to further understand me and hope you guys out there can just bear with me. This is also one of my only platforms that I could say everything out.
I wonder if anyone of y'all ever get curious about me. But if you are, here's something. I am a dancer and likes to dance. Honestly, I wanted to join modern dance when I was in secondary school. However, due to the fear of being a laughing stock out there, I was reluctant to join. In the end, I did not join any dance CCAs back in secondary school. I also wanted to join choir, but because of the same reason, I gave up this thought. However, I became a dance member when I enter poly because I have come to my senses that I should just ignore all those staring eyes out there and just do what I enjoy. And here I am today, proudly standing as a dancer. I major in latin dance right now, but life wasn't exactly easy for me because I got judged a lot. A lot of people were like, "THIS KIND OF STANDARD ALSO CAN DANCE ARH?!"
Again, I tend to get a lot of negative remarks from people regarding me and I am really really really tired about it. I just need a break from all these. Apparently, I had to face all of these alone because people are just targeting me. Life had never been easy for me and I am always a prey for other hunters. I can't just say it to anyone because I might get betrayed and left hanging out there all alone in the end. So what's the point in the first place?
The ones that I wanted to have attention from,usually can't give it to me because to XXX, a crowd is always better than one person. Many a times, I like to have small group times because we can really open up more and really become who we are.
Normally, I tend to get really lame and people tend to find me irritating. But please don't be, because do you know that all I ever wanted to do was just to make you guys happy?
Apparently, no one appreciates and thought of it this way I guess.
So let me ask you guys again. After all these, do you think you guys still want to be me? Not really, I guess.....
Here's a lil secret: I had actually cried through close doors many times and always smiled the next day to act like nothing happened because I don't want anybody to worry. But shhhhh......... don't say it out, cause nobody cares.
It's alright, cause I will be brave.
Bye! :)
Hello to my fellow VINnylectics once again. Sorry for the disappearance act and that I couldn't update my blog. My schedules are very packed and I have had no time to update. Will keep updating this blog whenever I have the time.
Pardon me for bidding goodbye to 2014 after a long time. So, it's finally 2015. In this year, I welcome different challenges in my life and I promised to challenge them with all my might. I will step out of my comfort zone even further. Recalling back to 2014, I realised that I have completed quite a number of things and have grown further as a person. I am sorry that I am not someone who is very interesting and that if I ever came across to you as a person who is being very irritating, I'm truly sorry.
Life is full of ups and downs and this is surely inevitable. When you try to shy away from something, it will still appear no matter what. I don't know why I am typing all this right now but I really want to express myself.
Also, in 2014, I have realised that I am always living my life in accordance to how other people want me to. Everyone is so busy following social norms and that they no longer live their own creative life. I made a promise to myself that I should live my own life and stay true to myself. I want to create my own Fairytale that would only be directed by me and I am the author of this book titled "Alvin's Life Encounters"! Everyone is actually unique in their own way and we should not forget this little note to ourselves, which is to "live life without regrets".
Speaking about 2015, I have my bucket list that I want to achieve. Firstly, I want to grow further more as an individual and I want to contribute to the society in every way I could. I am currently a dance participant for the upcoming SEA Games 2015 which is occurring on the 5th of June. I am also planning to join my own religious dance group, famously known as SYDC. It specialises in hip-hop dances and I am ready to go for their audition. A lot of people who know me well should know about my packed schedules. So why am I still keeping myself so busy? Well, I believe that as youths, we should go all out and contribute in a lot of different areas. Time passes at an instant and it cannot be chased back anymore. I want to leave behind a remarkable history for myself as a youth and when I still could actively wander around.
Sometimes I will be very tired and I would wonder why are humans always so busy in life? It took me awhile to realise that it is actually a blessing to be able to be kept busy. This means that we are still healthy and would still be able to handle the stress we are constantly having. I would complain about being busy and that I would have no space to breath. But after awhile, I will pick myself up and stand up on my feet again.
I am trying very hard to change myself and I believe I would be able to do so! Please give me more time and patience. I really want to change myself for the better and I don't want to get affected by those that don't matter. There's a saying that goes " Those that matter don't mind, and those that mind don't matter".
Let's all strive to have a better tomorrow and have a better 2015 ahead. Cheers!
Hello VINnylectics! Hope you all are doing fine. It has really been hectic for me.
Recently, I had been having a lot of weird dreams. I don't know why either. Had cried in a few rounds of dreams recently and I thought I only cried in my dreams. To my surprise, the moment I am awake and I open my eyes, tears can't stop rolling down my cheeks. I really don't know what does all these signifies. But I could really remember what I dreamt about. My dreams were all about people bullying me and not having trust in me. All these do happen to me in real life though. So when I was dreaming, I can't differentiate whether it is a dream or whether it is a real experience. It was definitely horrifying. Perhaps all these are linked to stress? I am honestly not sure.
To be honest, I am someone who can't handle stress well and whenever my stress level gets too overwhelming, I can't breath properly and would have short breaths. I really wish I could have a break from everything. JUST GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
I guess I know why I like going to the beach. Because I am living in a very noisy world, I probably need somewhere peaceful and quiet. That's why I love the peace and the vibrant feeling I received from the beach. All you could hear is the sound of the tides and nothing else. All you could see is a piece of clear blue sky, and an unreachable horizon. You never know where it begins and where it ends. Sometimes all I need is not about the material wealth in which happiness can't be bought. Yes, it's true that wealth can buy luxurious items that can eventually lead to happiness. But honestly, how long can this happiness last? Perhaps not very long, because human are greedy by nature and want more after more. To be honest, all I ever need is not just money but true happiness. It's true that money is important, but happiness is more important. When one is left with a few years of his/her life, happiness actually matters more than the wealth he/she possesses. I want to be a person who leads genuine happiness and not someone who buys happiness because of money. This is not what true happiness should be defined.
So after all, I am still looking for what actually defines my true happiness. People can say I am happy because I am smiling everyday. But for all you may know, I might be faking a smile just for the sake of appearance. Deep inside me, I am still not satisfied enough to say I am genuinely happy because all I could ever feel is loneliness and emptiness, and these feelings are overwhelming my life.
Yes, I find myself busy but I have yet to find my real definition to define where life has to bring me. I am trying very hard to treasure every moment spent with people around me, especially my loved ones because who knows what might happen to us the next very minute. Anything can happen and I am still not prepared yet. I have yet to try out a taste of everything that life is bringing me and I have yet to find my genuine definition of happiness.
In the meantime, I really can't wait for my mini getaway this coming December, for I am really running low of battery and need a quick recharge.
Besides all these, I am really shocked that my grandma hugged me after I was about to take my leave after visiting her at her house. I actually wanted to hug her first but I was shy to do so. After her hug, I suddenly realised that it has been a while since I last saw her. I am really sorry for her because I failed to do my part as a grandson. All that she ever need was for people to shower some care and love and I can't even do so from time to time. I know she is happy to see me but I really felt very sorry to have neglected her. Despite my busy schedule, I should really set aside time for myself and my family members because they are my deeply loved ones. We all should actually do the same too.
Let's not be deeply focused on oneself and neglect the care and love that our loved ones really need. Shall we? YES, WE SHALL! CYA!
So people, I am back with another post. And this time I would introduce my new readers name and that is VINnylectics. This name shall represent all my readers, but how did I derived this name? The first 3 letters is actually my name and that is Alvin. The following few words is taken from the word vinyl, which is actually a material with strong characteristics. Quoted from the internet, it says that Vinyl (polyvinyl chloride or PVC), is the world's most versatile plastic, used to make everything from food wrap to auto body parts. Vinyl is composed of two simple building blocks: chlorine, based on common salt, and ethylene, from crude oil. The last few letters is actually inspired by words such as fantastic and supersonic, which gives a very strong feeling. Hence, the word VINnylectics actually mean that Alvin's readers are versatile and strong. So I hope everyone out there live their lives strongly and in great satisfaction with whatever you do in the future.
So moving on, the reason why I titled my post this way, is due to my last week's performance. I performed flashmob in school for three times and I totally enjoyed it. Dancing is my passion and I would groove along whenever there's music. I wanted to post a clear video from my phone, but sadly, I can't. However, there are YouTube videos available, posted by the in-charge.
When the video zooms in at the 0:22 mark, you can clearly see my back view with em' blue hair. You can clearly see me on the dance floor, when the video zooms in to me on the 1:15 & 2:06 mark. And lastly, my blue hair is clearly shown at 2:30. Grateful that there's a video available.
In this video, I am in full black. Y'all should be able to spot me when you guys view the video straight in the centre. My red cap will be revealed when the video hits 0:14. In case you guys are wondering, I am doing a body wave on the 0:47. That's pretty obvious that I dropped my cap at 2:04, and I didn't want to pick it up due to being professional when the dance is still in process. Me and my friend surely came up with the idea last minute at 2:08, when we were trying to show our body waves ;p And lastly, my very much close-up shot appears at 2:50. HAHA! However, I know I surely need improvements.
So why did I exactly titled my post this way. Besides being exposed to different types of performances in my various commitments, I found a new definition to school life. School is definitely not just about studies when you enter poly life. It's about how you enjoy your life and juggle your studies at the same time. Such performance standards surely doesn't come overnight. Long hours and months of practice are needed. We practised this for one and a half months. From a dancer viewpoint, dance practices are regularly needed to maintain your standard, unless you are busy. So there are some days where I needed to skip classes as the rehearsal timings clashes with my classes. In the past, I would be like die liao! Skip one minute of lesson=entire life gone. HAHA. However, I kind of find a new meaning to school life when I have to juggle both trainings and lessons at the same time. I would love to have such experiences again. HAHA.
Alright! From here onwards, I would like to share a song and I would appreciate if you play this song while you continue to read on my post.
After you played the above mentioned song, I would like to share with you guys another side of myself which I barely share with anyone. But in order for my readers to understand more about the person they are reading about, I would take this chance to share with you guys. Please do bear with me.
Firstly, I would like to say that if I gave you guys the impression that my life is a cheerful and stress-less one, then I am afraid that you had not seen the other side of me. Though I often perceive myself as a cheerful guy to others, I actually have a lot of stress deep within me and I wouldn't know how to deal with it. I wouldn't actually find someone to talk to, because I might just be treated as another laughing stock. And when people treats my seriousness as a joke, I will get really pissed off. I really want to get the person's time and attention when he/she is listening to me. But I think in this world, right now, everybody is moving way too fast and I can't seem to slow people down just to take a listen to what I have to say. Even if I do get people's attention, they can only listen to me for a short while, because after a while, I may just become another piece of nuisance to them. These days, I hardly find someone who is willing to listen to me for a very long time, because ain't nobody got time for that! But honestly, I have a lot of things to rant about and I would definitely feel better after that.
Sometimes I might even find myself bothering you guys, and I am really sorry about that. But when I am in a really bad mood, all that I can ever do is to suck it up all by myself. There are only a few people who I really can find time and talk to, and I am really grateful for being there for me. However, I can't possibly find you guys whenever I encounter an issue. I am trying to learn how to handle everything all on my own, so please do give me time. But when I can't handle things properly, I would feel useless and stupid. Sometimes, I really wish to slow down and take a nice deep breathe but I just can't seemed to do that, because in order to follow the crowd, I have got to move on.
At times, I would really feel very breathless and I think that's when I needed a break. A short one would be good too. This is why sometimes I always rant about wanting to go on a short getaway, because I think all these does help. Even if a getaway is not possible, I really want to leave everything aside, and at least visit the beach. That's the least that I want. As I have reiterate many times, I really enjoy going to the beach because it gives me a very warm feeling. However, people this days find that going to the beach would make them more tan. So I guess I couldn't possibly go there alone.
To be honest, I am really afraid of being alone because I have been there, done that. Past experiences made me dreaded loneliness, and I can say nobody want this feeling. Weirdly, sometimes I would prefer being alone, as only I know myself best. For the last half year, I have slowly learnt to accept loneliness as part and parcel of life. Been to karaoke lounge alone, shopping alone, eating alone and etc...
Given a chance, I wouldn't do this, but I have had no choice. I am actually an introvert if you guys didn't know. I am sure many people would laugh out really loud at this part because my actions speak the other way round. That's because I have already accustomed myself to you guys. But honestly, if you were to throw me in a party, I would just be alone and grab a drink. Unless there's someone I can rely on, then I would start to open up. This is definitely not a healthy lifestyle and I know it. But I am afraid of meeting new friends, who might eventually backstab me after I get close up to them. I wouldn't say all these if I didn't have any experiences like this. This is why I am really careful with friends that I made, and I would get very close up once I am extremely comfortable.
If the song has ended at this moment, please play the next song and continue reading ;p
After all these, I would like to say that the only asset that I possess is my family. They are extremely priceless and precious that no one shall take them away from me. So, many would ask me why I didn't mentioned all these to my family. Just for a simple word known as "burden", would answer my question. I didn't want my family members to feel burden because of me and I would rather suck it up myself. In contrary, I would help them take up their problems as well, as I understand the helpless feeling when no one was there for me, and I didn't want them to feel this way. I wanted to make them feel that if no one is there for them, I will! So at least there's me to share their problems with.
One more thing to take note is that sometimes I would tell my poly friends that I might just faint anytime and be ready to catch me when I fall. I am really not joking as I had encountered cases like this. Luckily I am sitting down and it made me felt better after that, if not you guys might become suspects already.
Alright! Hoped you guys survived after reading a long piece of "essay". Sorry if the music taste is not to your likings. But at least now you guys should roughly know what kind of music I really like. I like K-pop ballads just for your additional information. But I really appreciate your time and effort for reading it, and hope that you guys have understand me more. Till the next time I update this blog. Cya, VINnylectics!
